Peeing During Sex: The Why and How to Fix It
This article was scientifically fact-checked by Consultant Obstetrician and Gynaecologist Dr. Shree Datta.
For women who have issues with incontinence, the fear of a urine leak during intimate moments is a valid one – up to 24% of women who have pelvic floor disorders experience leaks during sex (and there’s a very good likelihood that it’s underreported).
Anxiety over the possibility of an “accident” can lower sexual enjoyment or even completely kill your libido.
According to the American Foundation for Urologic Disease (AFUD), 1/3 of women with stress incontinence avoid sexual intimacy because they fear leakage.
However, there is no reason to just live with the strain of incontinence in your daily life, and there are things you can start doing right now to stop incontinence from sabotaging your love life.
Understand the Problem
First, it’s important to understand what’s causing you to pee during sex. Coital incontinence can be split into 2 different categories – urination with penetration and urination with orgasm – which are caused by two different types of incontinence in women.
Urination with penetration happens when something is inserted into your vagina and puts pressure on your bladder or urethra (the tube that urine flows out of). This is a form of stress incontinence – the pelvic floor muscles are not strong enough to keep that tube closed if there’s increased pressure on the bladder – like coughing, sneezing, or sex.
Urination with orgasm can occur because the muscles of the bladder spasm uncontrollably – this is more likely to be associated with urge incontinence or Overactive Bladder (OAB) . But recent studies have found that weakness of the pelvic floor also contributes to leaks during orgasm.
Other risk factors include chronic cough or constipation, pelvic prolapse, smoking, and vaginal birth – which can all increase the risk of stress incontinence.
It may be helpful to track other times that you experience incontinence, outside of sex. If you tend to leak while sneezing, coughing, running, etc. – urinary incontinence during sex may just be a symptom of a larger problem.
Treating Urinary Incontinence
Talk to Your Healthcare Provider
Studies have found that only 3% of women take the initiative to talk to their doctors about problems with leaks during sex. Don’t let embarrassment stop you from having a great sex life! Your doctor can only help you fully if they know exactly what your symptoms are and how often you’re experiencing these leaks.
Your doctor might want to try different treatments depending on what type of incontinence you have.
Urination with orgasm sometimes responds well to certain OAB medication – but if you don’t tell your doctor about your issues then you might not get the most effective treatment plan. Your doctor may even refer you to a urogynecologist who specializes in dealing with urinary tract issues in women.
Kegel, Kegel, Kegel!
Kegel exercises, the contraction and release of your pelvic floor muscles, are the number one doctor recommended treatment for pelvic floor disorders and studies show that women who complete Kegel exercise routine on a regular basis have fewer leaks during intimacy.
Be sure to get the right Kegel technique, you can also ask your gynecologist to help you practice or use a Kegel weight to help you isolate those muscles.
If you are not confident with their pelvic floor exercises, don’t forget to consider a physiotherapist appointment. It’s important to characterise the nature of your incontinence and this can be done by doing tests in the hospital with a Urogynaecology nurse. This is important as the treatment you need depends on the type of urinary incontinence you have.
Work towards Your Ideal Weight
Being overweight increases the likelihood of leaks because that weight can strain your pelvic floor and put pressure on your bladder. Even a 7% weight loss can improve your incontinence. Discuss your weight loss plan – including diet and exercise – with your doctor.
Managing Incontinence During Sex
Talk to Your Partner
Incontinence can be an embarrassing topic, especially when it’s affecting your sex life. While more than half of women with incontinence report feeling concerned about leaks during sex being a problem in their relationships the majority of their partners did not.
Communicating about the leaks with your partner is extremely important to maintaining a healthy sex life while you’re treating your incontinence. Being open about the issue can bring you closer together – your partner wants to know why you’ve been avoiding sex and they should also want to make intimacy comfortable for you.
So telling them could also give you even more support and motivation towards your treatment goals.
Limit Certain Fluids Before Sex
Try not to drink liquids that can irritate the bladder, in the hour before you have sex. Water is great, stay hydrated throughout the day – since dehydration can also irritate the bladder and make leaks worse.
Go Before You Have Sex
Use the toilet just before you get started to lessen the likelihood of leaks. Try the “double voiding” method: urinate, then relax your bladder fully (some women also stand up for a few seconds), and try to urinate again to make sure you get as much out as you can.
Try New Positions
Certain positions, like missionary, put more pressure on your bladder, so take this as an opportunity to switch things up. As an added benefit, you both might discover a new favorite way to make love and add a little spice to the bedroom.
Being on top gives you more control of your pelvic muscles and how much stress is placed on your bladder (not to mention a better chance of hitting your G-spot). Penetration from behind can put less stress on your bladder and urethra. Just experiment a bit to find something you both like.
Take a Bathroom Break
Don’t be embarrassed to take a break during sex – between foreplay and intercourse, between intercourse and cuddling. Sex doesn’t have to be a sprint, you should both take as much time as you want and enjoy the intimacy of just being together.
Try it in the Shower
Or, if you’re adventurous, try a little fun in the shower – a little leak won’t matter so much when the water’s already running and you’re both enjoying getting slippery together.
Incontinence during sex is a common problem for women of all ages – but it isn’t something you just have to live with. A little bit of planning, some Kegels, and help from your doctor can get you back in the sack and enjoying your sexuality again. Just don’t be embarrassed to get the help you need.
Facts checked by:
Dr. Shree Datta
Dr. Shree Datta is a Consultant Obstetrician and Gynaecologist in London and Associate Clinical Dean at King’s College Medical School, specialising in all menstrual problems, including fibroids and endometriosis. Dr. Shree is a keen advocate for patient choice, having written numerous articles and books to promote patient and clinician information. Her vision resonates with INTIMINA, with the common goals of demystifying periods and delivering the best possible care to her patients
Written by:
Lane Baumeister is an internationally-based Canadian writer with several years’ experience creating educational and entertaining articles that discuss intimate health and sexual well-being. When not waxing profound about menstruation, she devotes herself to enjoying extremely good food and equally bad movies.
Thank you! this article was very informative…I just hate the fact I seem to have this problem.
You are far from alone…I thought something was wrong with me.
Are there any medications out there that can help prevent this issue? Its super embarrassing, especially as a young person, as I never thought I would have urinary incontinence at this age.
Hi Lilly! If you don’t find that limiting fluids and ‘going’ right before sex helps, then I wonder if what you’re experiencing is actually ejaculation? This can happen during orgasm to some people. The fluid in that case would not smell strongly as urine does. However, if this wetting is happen apart from orgasm and is definitely urine, I would talk to your doctor about getting referred to a pelvic health specialist.
I have experienced urinating during sex since the difficult birth of my first child at the age of 21. Having my 2nd child 6 years later added to the problem. I was too embarrassed to do anything about it being so young but when I did at the age 32 I was sent away with medication to increase my bladder capacity. This didn’t help. I finally found the courage to go back to the GP 6 years later who arranged a course of kegal exercises with me then eventually referred me for a urodynamics test. I was then offered urethral sling surgery. I had this 5 years ago which was ok for the first few years but unfortunately I’m leaking urine again during sex. I’ve lived with this now for 24 years and it’s so degrading as a woman. I’ve cried many times after sex. I don’t know what else I can do to help this. I know I must have some kind of prolapse but have never been explained anything about it. I feel pressure constantly. This isn’t just small leaks either, I can’t even feel it’s happening. My husband is very understanding but for me it’s effecting me emotionally and I am unable to enjoy sex and also don’t have any sensation from it. I think after 24 years of living with this I’m beyond help.
I’m amazed that this is not mentioned right at the top of the article! Female ejaculation (and not just during orgasm) is a real thing and common enough to merit a mention in any discussion about urination during sex.
Hey Susan!
I’m so sorry about that. I can’t possibly imagine how you feel. I hope you find something that helps you and your husband. Try talk to your doctor about this issue again if it bothers you so much. Maybe then they can help? But also, if your husband is understanding about it, don’t worry. He probably does not take it as a big deal 🙂
I oncely experience this issue but my husband doesn’t have a problem I don’t know I should attend healthcare or not
Well, I have not had this problem until after I had my last baby. All 4 of my children was born by c-sections. When I was able to have an orgasm it would shoot out, now right before I have an orgasm I would urinate. I am just aggravated with the whole process with using two to three towels a night and changing sheets every night. My husband does not understand why I am never in the mood.
I am 54 and I started having leakage about 5 yrs ago. It wasn’t so bad at first. I had to start wearing panty liners all the time. I stay single because o am embarrassed to date or even get into a relationship. I’m interested I someone who I’ve been able to tell him about my issue but he still insists that it won’t be a problem. But I’m embarrassed to be with him still. I cry a lot because I’m so depressed that I’m having this issue. I’ve gone to the doctor who did test just to tell send me home with a $1500 bill and to tell me to do kegals.
Hi Anita,
there is no need to cry and grieve over yourself. We are sure that your partner will really understand you, but only if you are completely open and say in advance what is bothering you. No one in this world is perfect, every person is worried about something; every body is different, every organism is too. So please accept and love yourself just the way you are. And sure, listen to your doctor and do kegel exercises if he or she told you so.
Best regards
What do you do if it only happens when you orgasm during oral stimulation? This is a very big problem. I can’t ever enjoy oral if I’m worried about this. I’ve got a new partner and I can’t tell him this. I just can’t. What do I do? I have a doctors appointment in March. But how normal is it to only happen during oral?
Hi everyone i also go through leakage. My boyfriend says it’s fine. He likes it cause he says he definitely no i cum. smh. I myself is uncomfortable with it. Don’t want to have sex. Scared to even think to leave my boyfriend cause of the leaking sex thing MEN can be mean. you know! So i learned i have see stress incontinence, after, pelvic therapy and doing Kegal exercises. i recently received injection of a bulking agent , 2 hour surgery and things been great. Heads up.
I have read through all these peeing during sex by some of these women and my spirit uplifts. I will be turning 50 June 25 and experienced heavy peeing during sex for the first time and me and my husband got a shock. Also l am unto my 4th year of menopause. As a christian l started praying whats wrong but l am encouraged by intimina. Thank you and l need your help on to fix this problem.
Hi Henny,
thank you for this. we are very glad we helped, this is very, very inspiring for us as well.
Have an amazing day!
I have just opted for the bulking agent,had a choice of mesh ect, i thought this might be a less invasive choice , i havnt had a relationship for years due to leaking during sex,im in my 40’s i cant wait to have the procedure done. Is there anyone whos had this and was it succesful?
I had a spinal cord infection which led to injury recently, due to which i completely wasnt able to pee and poo. I also lost sensations down there, I got so scared I am only 21 I had no idea what to do, but things are getting better i got sensations back at a few places, but the thing is i wasnt able to orgasm first but now when i orgasm i pee heavily. I still cannot pee properly on my own due to the injury but while i orgasm i pee on my own i dont understand why, maybe due to weak pelvic muscles! But at the same time im also ashamed to ask it or talk about it with anyone.
Hi,
yes, we understand how you feel about this, but we promise you, you do not have to be ashamed of your condition. It is very important to talk about this with professionals. They can tell you how and what muscle exercises you can do to help yourself.
We can only support you and wish you all the luck.
Have a nice day
If my girl peed during sex the last thing in the world id want to do is ‘fix’… it’s seriously hot!
Women cannot urinate when they climax if they are healthy because the bladder neck closes. Same goes for men. You have to wait for your genitals to go back to their normal state to be able to urinate.
I have recently entered into an intimate relationship after many years of no sexual activity. At first the pain prevented me from penetration and after seeing a gynecologist have been able to engage in pain free sex. During foreplay when my partner manually stimulates me I pee—sometimes a lot— and it also happened once during oral stimulation when I have an orgasm. I am 70 years old and even though my partner says he doesn’t have any issue with this happening I feel that I should take measures to help with my peeing issue. I do not have leakage any other time. I am very active, walking, playing pickle ball running some and hiking on a daily basis. I would prefer a natural remedy. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I’m a widow now but my Husband and I enjoyed the pee and climax together it made him feel fulfilled and we never had a problem and didn’t smell at all. I sure do miss him even now. When I masturbate and pee at the same time. I’m so content and feel like he’s present here with me and I’m 73 and proud of it. Dont have to go to bars and.pick someone up. I feel so close to him and that makes me happy and I sleep like a Baby and get up so rested and energized and Happy.& alive.
Unlike men, whose bodies make it impossible to pee when they orgasm, women’s urethral sphincters don’t close off and prevent urination during the most heightened moment of sex.
Random question but I’m really trying to work out if I’ve got incontinence or am experiencing female ejectulation. Like I go to the bathroom right before hand and am absolutely sure my bladder is empty, but sometimes if my g spot is being constantly stimulated (I mean I’m assuming it’s my g spot, it could be my bladder but it feels nice?) then it’s like my bladder fills really really quickly and when I orgasm a bunch of liquid comes out. And I can’t seem to stop it without stopping the orgasm…
It doesn’t smell really strongly of urine but there’s definitely a faint smell when it’s dry.
Im relatively young so this is ridiculously embarrassing. Am I incontinent or not?
Yeah Dave i was thinking the same lmao. I have a waterproof Tempurpedic and I’d be the one to clean it and the sheets all day any day if this ever happens. I don’t mean to be kinky but I bet the warmth and wetness of her accidentally peeing would feel good too, anyway, I wouldn’t be bothered at all.
I’ve always had this problem, even with kegals. Every partner I’ve ever had thinks it’s hot. Me though, I’d really like to enjoy cuddles in a clean bed after sex. But in the mean time, I’ll let my husband enjoy it and I even encourage him by letting him know “I’m going to squirt”. Hope this helps ladies 😉
As someone who has urolagnia, I have fully embraced the fact that peeing during sex is my jam.
Unfortunately my partner has the opposite issue. She has Fowler’s Syndrome and can’t physically pee without putting a catheter in her urethra. She is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me apart from that though.
My husband was so excited at my super wetness only to realize it was my pee! We discussed it at length and he got really excited, so I thought hmmmm we can explore this my kinky hubby! A little mild “dirty” talk set the stage, “oh Todd I’m gonna squirt don’t you dare stop licking me”. This liberated us both sexually! Soon I got Todd to confess he loved it when I’ve exercised and have sweaty underarms or smelly bare feet. He also loves being tickled. I told him I’d be thrilled if he would lick up his mess for me after lovemaking. Bingo! Our intimacy has never been hotter, but I’m ashamed to say it began with my urinary incontinence.
hi,
im 16 and its definatly pee i dunno who to tell it happens erverytime i come n its alot… i dunno what to do.
help?!??!
Hello! Unfortunately, determining the cause isn’t so simple, but the first step would be to talk to your health provider or gynecologist. After sharing some more information and an exam, they may be able to coclude what is causing this, and what you can do to stop this from happening!